Grumpy Old Mark?

My first Saturday of 2005 in Eastbourne, so I couldn't resist my traditional cooked breakfast in a local store- in today's case T J Hughes which now occupies the old Army and Navy site. Their Dome restaurant is a lovely piece of architecture too: I was admiring some of the plaster mouldings around the place today while I munched on my hash browns and some rather tasty sausages. Didn't have my favoured sea view today though, which was a pity as it was a lovely bright day, albeit very windy. Eastbourne has escaped lightly, mind you: in the North, the city of Carlisle has been completely cut off by the effects of 90mph winds and flooding and there is damage and disruption everywhere. This I guess may garner more news coverage tonight than the far East, but still the events of a fortnight ago can never be far from people's thoughts and concern.

After brekky, I couldn't resist another spot of bookshop browsing. There are few finer free pleasures for me than pottering round literary emporia, and my choice this morning was the Eastbourne branch of Waterstones. I didn't actually buy anything though, unlike last Saturday when I spent New Year's Day afternoon having a bit of a spree in their three storey Richmond upon Thames store. The Eastbourne branch is much smaller, but no less enticing.
It's amazing what some people can sell a book on: among the delights on offer in their half price sale (necessarily copied by most of the other book retailers in town at present too) is one called "Britain's Best Roundabouts"! Allegedly inspired by the scenes of a previously-unassuming gyratory in Slough now made world-famous by The Office, I gather.

I was puzzled though by the placing of another of Christmas's big sellers- though you wouldn't think so by the discounted remaindering in the sale. It seems "Grumpy Old Men" bear two faces: one with mugshots of various celebs and the BBC logo, but alongside a different cover confusingly with the same title, broadly the same format and about the same size. At first, I wondered if this was due to a hasty reprint having John Peel's face taken off the dust jacket, but then given the books of homage also released in honour of the much-missed broadcaster before Christmas that seems unlikely. No, it appears there is a counterfeit grump at work with his own "manual" purporting to be official. Very strange- I shall have to investigate.

Both books are selling at the same price and cover the same territory, but if you ask me it's downright plagiarism. Now there is far too much of that at work in our society today I think, and it's why we're going to the dogs. Nobody has any originality any more, it's all regurgitating the same old rubbish and you just don't get the masterpieces you used to. All these chaps need to do is fire up their word processor and let it churn out words- it takes no effort at all. That's not great literature, it's pap.

OK, maybe my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek for that last paragraph for the sake of effect, but I am raising a serious point. Certainly when it comes to TV there is far too much insulting rubbish on at the moment. As I type this late on Saturday evening, I've had to turn the telly off, because both of our main BBC channels are broadcasting nothing but foul mouthed obscenities and in the case of BBC TWO, allegedly, even blasphemy-though at least there is no Celebrity Big Bro on at the moment.

The BBC- or "Blasphemous Broadcasting Corporation" as one Christian group has now dubbed it- have gone ahead with the showing of the TV version of the West End stage "hit" Jerry Springer-the Opera despite a record number of pre-transmission complaints to their own contact centres, and to Ofcom which has acquired the broadcasting standards and complaints functions of the previous commissions, supposedly. I say supposedly because it seems that Ofcom is a bit of a toothless wonder: they can only act on complaints post-transmission. This is ridiculous and pointless; as has much been pointed out over the last few days, it is rather like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

As for BBC ONE, their contribution to Saturday night "entertainment" is to show the last part of Billy Connolly's "World Tour of New Zealand". This is a programme which can't quite decide what it is trying to be. It could, potentially, have been a very interesting and watchable travelogue with the Big Yin travelling across the two islands down under on his Harley and stopping at some very interesting places along the way while discovering local culture. OK, Michael Palin he isn't, but it would still be an entertaining travelogue for those of us who'll maybe never make a 13K mile trip to the other side of the world to see it for ourselves.

But unfortunately, that's not good enough for the producers of this good story spoilt. They have to pepper it with footage of Mr Pamela Stephenson's live tours in the land of the Maori, and these as has come to be expected are littered with expletives which, quite frankly, add little to the potential humour of the stories Connolly tells. Why has the f-word seemingly become such an essential part of so-called "comedy" routines on the live circuit these days? The fact it is heard so much in the street speech of young people particularly does not mean it of necessity has to be repeated on the live stage, nor is it any the less offensive for its repeated useage among those who've no respect for their unwitting audience.

There are perfectly good, indeed hilarious and clever word plays and side-splitting tales to be made out of our language without needing to resort to the basest of Anglo-Saxon terminology. To name but one chap who's an expert at it, do try and catch The Very World of Milton Jones next time it is on Radio Four. Mr Jones is apparently a Christian, but this does not stop him and nor should it, from some amazing word play, bizarre situations and compulsive comedy which is suitable for all the family without being anodyne.
Tim Vine of ITV's The Sketch Show is another Christian who is brilliant at clever but inoffensive humour too. We need more of his ilk, but I doubt anyone can ever match the sheer genius of that oversized clown who has been voted the best comedian of all time, the late great Tommy Cooper, sometime resident of Eastbourne. Still much missed, Tommy never relied on a blue routine in his life, but twenty years after his death sells DVDs by the thousand simply because of his sense of fun and being able to poke fun at himself rather than others unable to defend themselves. A true professional.

Watching live theatre is one thing: grown adults can choose to go and see "adult" humour or "innovative" material featuring the language of the sewer if they so choose. I never would, personally. But to inflict it on licence payers with the obsequious "you can always use the off switch" is to miss the point. There is a world of difference between making a personal choice to pay to see something, than having no choice in what a public service broadcaster chooses to fill Saturday night screens with. Where did this permissiveness creep in exactly, and why? Everyone is at it now, it seems- from Jonathan Ross to the whole of the "They Think It's All Over" team. It's un-necessary, it's smut and in the case of a programme parodying Jesus Christ it is also deeply offensive to people of the Christian faith. And yet, if anybody dared say such things against other faiths, needless to say there is uproar.

Of course, there has to be a balance. In a free society, among people of free will, you can't ban these things altogether, but that does not mean you can't be responsible in how they are displayed, particularly on a freely available public medium. In any case, some might argue that the abuse- which the producers claim is more satire than deliberate offence, and even the star David Soul says he is a Christian- is as nothing compared to the abuse, scourging and deliberate brutality actually inflicted on Jesus before his shameless crucifixion. That may be so, but it does not justify the portrayal of him, whether or not it is actually as claimed when screened. I guess I shall never know, as I have no intention of even deigning to give it further attention. I know I am a miserable sinner myself, but I have no wish to see my Lord portrayed in the manner of this play for he was free of sin in thought and deed.

I am not grumpy about this, just very concerned- and I wish more people were too. Accept this filth onto our screens and, logically, where will it all end? That seems to be the problem, actually. There is no logic! Our government bans foxhunting, the destruction of a sentient being in the name of sport and pleasure, while at the same time doing nothing to stop a national broadcaster putting on material which it knows will offend just as many. Is it just our secular,disbelieving society that is allowing this? Do we really care more about animals than people? Surely not. I care about all creatures too, but what is beginning to happen seems almost like the situation in first century Rome, where free citizens were quite content to allow thinking, feeling fellow human beings to be thrown to the lions just because they happened to believe that Jesus Christ was who he said he was.

Is this the persecution that many Christians say we can expect to come? If it is, then now is the time to stand up for what we believe however uncool it may seem and whatever reaction it brings. There are times when you know what is right, and when you know you have to speak out against what is happening. If William Wilberforce had not spent the greater part of his life 200 years ago campaigning against the slave trade, then many of our fellow men and women would still be in chains on plantations.
The basic nature of man, literally, is fallen- but if you see someone fall over, then the human instinct of compassion and concern is to help them up again, just as you would if you saw a little child fall over as I did today. This is not patronising, but supporting and caring. Please God that we will see more people in our society prepared to be supporters and carers, and that the good that has been brought out in so many following the tsunami disaster can rise triumphant above the selfish depravity that lurks within all of us. That is not grumpiness but "righteousness".